Things have been a little subdued around here since Sunday. One of our best friends Spaniels had to be very unexpected put to sleep. She had an infection, but that was being treated with antibiotics. No expense was spared, she & her brother were doted on, so when the call came through to say she had been put to sleep it sent everyone into shock.

We had seen them for the first time in almost a year, because of lockdown, the previous Friday. We had taken our Saluki down, so the dogs could get to know each other again, as we look after each others pets at holiday time. The dogs were very excited to see each other, the weather was good and we all had a very enjoyable evening chatting and eating in the garden. It was arranged we would have the Spaniels when they went to The tennis at Eastbourne, later on this month.

It wasn’t unusual to see them on our doorstep on the Saturday, as I had as usual left something there. They were off for a walk, both the dogs were sticking their heads out of the car window for attention. It was just a normal Saturday afternoon. It was the next morning the vet had to be called out. At first it was thought is was heat stroke, but after tests were done it seemed that darling Flo, may have cancer, but she certainly had heart failure, so the decision was made.

Love is a difficult thing to measure. It exists on so many levels, can be expressed in more ways than we will ever know. If we care enough, our caring turns to love. I personally find it easier to tolerate a person if I love them, because it means I don’t have to like them 24/7. I can still love them even though their behaviour drives me to distraction. This is the love that I have for my family and a few very dear friends. Love can not be made to happen. It is said, love will grow if given time. I’m not too sure about that, I firmly believe it is there from the very first moment you interact with a person. You know you just know even if many years have passed before you see that person again, the feeling you had for them is there again. Nothing can compare with the unconditional love that a well cared for pet gives you. They do not judge you for not doing the dishes, or making the bed. They are always there to comfort you, a constant companion in the good times and the bad.

We were talking last night of the feelings of failure we have when a pet dies. Especially is you have had to make the decision to have them put to sleep. Even though you know it is the right decision, there is always that guilt, that maybe there was a cure, maybe they would have been better next week? Moreover, how do you explain what you have done to the pet that is left? The one who will not leave your side for fear that you will suddenly disappear too. This is how Jerry is feeling now. They were siblings born 12 years ago & never been apart. He is lost without his sidekick.

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Absolute unconditional love hurts when it prematurely ends, but thank goodness it exists & we are allowed to experience it. It is a beautiful thing. It is something to be cherished & talked about for ever. We need to talk our way through grief much more than we do. We need others to see our raw, open grief. We should not hide our grief away to preserve the feelings of others. it needs to be seen, to be shared. Only then can we start to heal. Life will go one, even though ours seems to stop, to have no meaning, but it will continue. Not in the same way. We will not be the same, but we will, with the help of others, learn to live with our loss. To celebrate that we had that love, not to mourn it’s loss.

Love M. XXX