It’s holiday season at last, the best of the British weather is upon us & our thoughts turn to balmy evenings, long cool cocktails with loved ones, leisurely lunches with friends, sporting events, concerts, regattas, carnivals & jetting off on that much anticipated fun in the sun holiday. Our reward for enduring the long, cold, wet, winter. The light at the end of the tunnel, these few short weeks we call summer.

And stop right there……….rewind the dream! Even with many people fully vaccinated Covid is returning. To be fair it never really left, I doubt it ever will with our appetite for socialising. As soon as shops & bars reopened our thirst was unquenchable & our spending power unstoppable. We wore our masks, sanitised our hands, relentless cleaning & social distancing measures were implemented, but the risks were there…the door handle, card reader, parking machine, pedestrian crossing & inevitable the r rate started to rise above 1.

Many people had already flown to places such as Portugal for the half term break. Anxious to escape the reality of life in lockdown. To gather their thoughts & spend quality time with family, instead of the living nightmare of homeschooling & working from home. The nightmare continued though, when Portugal came off the green list & people frantically tried to book flights home to avoid quarantine restrictions. Stress heaped upon stress, with no clear exit strategy in sight.

Having spent most of 2020 in lockdown, both national & local, because of the so called Kent variant. I have given no thought at all to holidays for 2021. I can not remember the last time I entered a shop that was not my specific local supermarket. During lockdown, deprived of my usual local suppliers, I took to finding local online suppliers for everything from soap to greetings cards, pinnies to plant pots, fish, birdseed & beyond. I have completely changed the way I shop. I have virtually stopped giving my money to multinational companies & am proud to support local independent producers. Yes, it may cost a bit more, but that is made up for in customer service & a unique end product. I have found that artisan companies are more thoughtful about the packaging of their goods as well. Some even boasting zero single use plastic. They will always get my vote.

If only the same could be said for holidays! It is impossible to have a holiday without leaving the house & therein lies my problem. I realised that as others are booking their hotels & holiday rental cottages, I am quite fearful of the idea. I am if you like, locked in lockdown. Up until 2020 I was a two holiday a year person, taking all the family away with me, enjoying lunches out, barbecues on the beach, cinema trips, zoos, funfairs, you name it, we did it. These holidays were eagerly planned almost a year in advance to be sure of getting the places we wanted. The holidays booked for 2020, were cancelled & no thought given to booking for 2021, even when restrictions were eased & places started to open up, I had no interest.

I still long for the buzz that planning for a holiday gives you. From the buying of clothes, to the choosing of places to visit, that feeling you get when starting the road trip, stopping off for lunch somewhere you have not been before. The calm that descends as you open your cottage door, explore your accomodation for the week & sit with that longed for cup of tea on the patio, but at the same time I want to stay at home.

I wasn’t aware I had become so wary of the world outside my property boundaries until I was chatting about holiday plans with a friend. He said he was going away this week, I replied that I was digging a moat. He treated it like he does most of my throw away quips. It was ignored. I couldn’t ignore it though, I realised it was true. Lockdown has changed me from an extrovert, to an introvert. I have become self sufficient, although I still enjoy socialising with family & a couple of really close friends, I am increasingly happy with my own company. I have my gardening, my crochet, my writing, my cooking. I no longer need anyone else to feel complete. I have maybe at long last found out who I am. I know who I am & I am not afraid to go after what I want in my way. That way at the moment is to raise the drawbridge and enjoy the beauty of life I have around me, in my own home. My castle.

Love M. XXX