Barbara looked in horror at the dress her mother proudly held up. The all too familiar Marks & Spencer label was clearly visible so it hadn’t been cheap, & there would be no discussion about whether she liked it or not.

         ‘ Well go on then. Try it on’ her mother was saying whilst shaking the red monstrosity in her face.

         Barbara smiled, & headed upstairs. Once  in the security of her bedroom, surrounded by her David Cassidy and Donny Osmond posters she pulled out her new Grease LP, carefully placed the stylus on track 2 and sank down on her bed. Her mother would soon be shouting up the stairs, but for just a few precious moments Barbara was Sandie, she knew all the words & dance steps, as the music filled the room Barbara jumped up, holding the dress close to her she whirled around & around.

    ‘Barbara!’ her mother’s voice resounded above John Travolta’s. Obediently she put the dress on, turned off the music and went to show her mother the dress.

    ‘It’s beautiful Mum, thank you’ she hugged her mother.

    ‘You’ll be the Belle of the ball in that dress’ her mother smiled.

    ‘Oh, well those drainpipe jeans in LouLouBells Boutique would have to wait, at least the brown platforms will go with the dress’ 

She thought as she went back upstairs to change.

    I’m off now Mum, I won’t be later than 9.30’ she called as she closed the front door behind her. Friday night she met up with her best friend Jules, or to give her her full name Juliet Cordelia Wright. They had been friends since the first day of primary school. Friday night was their night. They bought chip then sat in the bus shelter outside the village hall to eat, chat and giggle, as only 14yr olds can do.Tonight the talk was of  Sue & Daves engagement party and who would be there. 

‘What did she buy you then?’ Jules asked

‘ A red dress, it’s waisted with puff sleeves…honestly Jules apart from having no buttons up the front, it’s like summer uniform!’

‘That’s totally out of order! Why does she think you have to dress the same as your maiden aunt?

‘I wish I could get a job, I went after that one in the paper at Green & Finch, but Gloria said she phoned about it as well, but she rang 2 hours before me. I suppose you got the jeans?’

‘Yeah, but they’re a bit tight, though, I’ll be well padded up that night’

Oh, Jesus, Jules!’ Barbara giggled

‘Mum said I’d suffer from a constricted gut, but it’ll be worth it if Martin notices me. I bought one of those new Grandad shirts with the collar like Paul McCartney wears, it’s got tails and turn up sleeves as well. I’ll be wearing antiperspirant and some of my Mum’s Tweed perfume. I think he does like me as he’s always looking in my direction at the bus stop. I wish I was more like that slut Jenny. She just walks straight up and sits with the boys. Everyone says she’s done it’ Jules ended with a flourish of her hand.

‘Oh God, really? What do you think it’s like?’Barbara asked.

‘Dunno’ replied Jules, ‘but it must be good.’ 

‘ Have you ever seen a boy?’ Barbara asked. 

‘ What, you mean his cock? No, only in those books at school & Michaelangelo’s  statue of David. I saw my brother’s once, but he was a lot younger & it didn’t look very exciting at all. I’m guessing there’s more to sex than what Miss. Oldfield taught us in biology. It’s all about the feelings you get. I’d love Martin to touch me there. I touch myself there, when I think of him & it feels good. I think I went too far the other night. I thought I was going to wet myself, but it was so good.’

‘What! You actually touch yourself where a boy’s supposed to?’

‘Yeah, haven’t you?’

‘No’ replied Barbara sadly.

The two girls sat in silence for a while. Each with their own thoughts. One older than her years, the other very much treated like a child. Somehow they always manage to meet in the middle. No jealousy, or judgement.

             ‘Do you like Neil?’ Jules asked.

             ‘Of course I like him. I’m not sure I like him like you like Martin though. He’s just a friend. I don’t have any feelings for him, I don’t think. I don’t know’ Barbara shrugged.

            ‘Oh, you’ll know’ smiled Jules, leaning on her friends shoulder. 

            ‘But how? You keep going on about how he makes you feel, but you never elaborate…..’ Barbara trailed off and ate another chip.

            ‘Oh, BarbieBoo you’ll know! It’s like my stomach flips when I see him, I get goosebumps and my nipple’s stand out and hurt. Like when you’re really cold, only it feels much better. It’s exciting, I can’t stop thinking of him, I can’t concentrate. I just want to hold him. To feel his arms around me, to kiss him. I want him to feel the same way about me, as I feel about him. I want it to be just me and him. I want to do it with him’ 

               ‘Jesus Jules! You can’t!’

               ‘Why not? Everyone else is. You just have to be careful. Boys can get those rubber Johnnie’s in toilets and they know when to take it out anyway, then you just have a wee and everything is ok” Jules said matter of factly. 

             ‘Where’d you learn that’

             ‘Debbie next door told me, she said that was what her sister did when she did it with Paul.’

            ‘But she’s got a baby’ Barbara shrieked.

            ‘Only because they did it loads and she forgot to wee one time’ Jules retorted. ‘I won’t forget to wee.’

            ‘I’d be too scared. Boys talk, they tell everyone and compare you, then everyone calls you a slut’ protested Barbara.

            ‘You’re only a slut if you let a boy do it just because they want to. If you both want to it’s love and it’s ok’ Jules said and I love Martin, so that’s ok.’

           They began to walk home, hugging as they parted to walk the last bit of the journey alone. Whilst Jules entered a vibrant estate where everyone knew her. Barbara walked the last quarter of a mile in darkness, along a road where people kept themselves to themselves with their curtains drawn.

    ‘That you love?’ her mother called as she inserted her key in the door.’You had a good evening with Juliet?’ ‘Yes, thanks Mum, we were talking about the party. Jules bought a pair of those jeans I told you about. She’s wearing them with a shirt and baseball boots.

‘She’s what!’ her mother spluttered her cup of tea all over her lap, then started dabbing at it with her hankie, muttering.

‘She’ll be wearing jeans and a man’s shirt, that’s what everyone will be wearing I expect. Times are changing Mum.’ ‘I know darling, but trousers, really? They make you look like a sack of potatoes tied in the middle and what on earth are baseball boots?’

‘Nevermind, I’m off to bed Mum, goodnight.’

‘Night night darling, sleep well. You’ll need to get all your homework done before you go to the party. You know you don’t have to stay at Juliets, I’m sure your father would come and pick you up.’ 

              ‘I’m sure he’d like nothing better, but he’s not going to. Tomorrow I am going out by myself for the first time in my life & I’m bloody well going to enjoy it’ she thought.

    Upstairs in the sanctity of her room, Barbara settled to her homework. She wasn’t going to waste a Saturday doing it, she was going into town tomorrow. She had makeup to buy & tights, because she wasn’t going to wear the American tan ones her mother had bought. She thought about asking Jules to cut her a fringe and  have her ears pierced. With studs though not the rings.

    Rising early Barbara was out at the bus stop ready for the 9.25 bus into town. There was a good chance going that early that she would bump into her Gran & have enough time to go to the cafe on the seafront. She had decided she was going to order a coffee. There was much excitement about drinking coffee and Barbara knew that the liquid Camp coffee her mother added to boiled milk was not it. She realised she was laughing all alone on the bus at the absolute disbelief her mother had shown when she caught her pouring boiling water onto a tea bag in a mug, to make tea. Getting off the bus at the Odeon stop, she wondered what it must have been like to go to Saturday morning pictures. Jules used to go whilst they were still in Primary school. Barbara remembered her mother had taken her once to see Bedknobs & Broomsticks. She couldn’t really remember the film, but she remembered the smell, the lights, the screen, the carpet. The row of glass doors, with men in uniform opening them to let the queue in. From there her mind wandered on to remember her first taste of Pantomime. The most bizarre experience of her life to date. One of the mums from the proper posh part of the village had asked if she’d like to go to the pantomime with her and her daughter. It was the Queen of Hearts. Surprisingly Barbara’s mother had agreed, but that surprise faded into insignificance when Barbara recognised her Uncle in the leading role as the Queen of hearts. Her uncle Norman, the very straight laced and proper manager of the local mens outfitters. Here before her eyes dressed as a woman. She didn’t know what to do. Alison & her Mum were joining in with the rest of the audience, laughing and shouting at the actors on the stage. Barbara was confused. At the interval she was bought a Coca-Cola in a glass bottle with a straw. She hadn’t had one before, by the time the performance ended she had a dreadful tummy ache and later that night she was very sick. Her mother put it down to over excitement. The next Christmas though her mother had taken her to the Pantomime, the last years one had never been mentioned again, this time her Uncle played Baron Hardup in Cinderella.

    ‘BARBARA!’ Snapping out of her daydream & turning, she saw Jules running down the road towards her. ‘Wait, you walk way too fast’ her friend laughed, as she fell in beside her & linked arms. ‘Where are you off to?’

 ‘To get my ears pierced & buy makeup.’

 ‘Wow, I was not expecting that.’

‘Well, get used to it’ Barbara retorted. The worm may well have turned! Why does she have to treat me like a child. I don’t want to take drugs and have sex in the cemetary, I just want to meet my friends and hang out a bit. If she carries on like this I won’t have any friends, so I’ll leave anyway.’ 

‘Oh no you won’t because I’ll be all alone’ Jules pouted. 

‘You’ll never be alone Jules and you know it. Everyone likes you and you won’t want me hanging around when Martin asks you out,’ Jules looked at her friend sadly. Barbara had hit a nerve, it wasn’t the first time Jules had wondered what would happen to their friendship when she finally pulled Martin, because come hell or high water that was what she was going to do. If that slut Jenny could do it, then so could she.

Martin Jenkins, head chorister at St.Jude The Apostle church, captain of the school rugby team & the best looking boy around for miles, but oh boy, did he know it. The same age as Barbara & Jules, but taller & so much more worldly wise. They’d only known him a year or so, but Jules had fancied him from the start. They caught different buses to school, but from the same stop. Barbara had been gobsmacked one morning when Jules rocked up with white knee length socks, her tunic so short it barely covered her bum and socks stuffed into a bigger sized bra as well. Martin had not been able to keep his eyes off her ever since. 

That had been about 5 weeks ago now and Jules had not been subtle in the places she’d arranged for Barbara to meet her. The most obvious one being a 5 aside football tournament he was playing in two towns away. They sat conspicuously in the almost empty sports hall for over three hours, but Jules was happy, when after his team won, he waved at her. Now, as the party grew ever closer Barbara honestly thought her friend may spontaneously combust if she didn’t calm down. It wasn’t as if Martin had even asked Jules to go to the party with him. It had occurred to Barbara on more than one occasion that he could well turn up with another girl on his arm. 

There were no formal invitations, Dave had just given a general invite to everyone to come after the last Youth Fellowship meeting. It was to be held at Dave’s parents house, but they wouldn’t be there, she briefly wondered whether Martin’s friend Neil would be there, but then quickly dismissed the idea. Her only encounter to date with a boy had been a quick snog with Marcus Proctor in the kitchen at the Scout New Year party. She’d never told a soul about that, even though he’d started talking to her at the bus stop when term started again. 

‘God! You’re daydreaming again. Are we going for a coffee or what?’ Jules was demanding as they finished choosing sparkly blue eye shadow, red lipstick and a dark brown nail polish they would share. 

‘Oh, yes. That Italian one on the seafront, but first we have to buy a card and present,’ Barbara said. ‘What about a vase?’ Trying really hard to concentrate on what her friend was saying, but wanting to disappear back into her daydream of what it might be like to have a boyfriend. Not that her mother would ever allow that to happen, of course. 

Sure enough when they arrived at the coffee shop her Gran was there with a friend. She beckoned for them to come over, true to her word instead of her usual milkshake Barbara ordered a frothy coffee. Sipping at it she had her suspicions confirmed, it was nothing like the bitter concoction her mother made, but then that was her mother all over, bitter.

‘Gran, I’m going to get my ears pierced later. You’ve only just had yours done. Did it hurt?’

‘No, not hurt. You can feel it mind,  keep them  wiped with surgical spirit twice a day and they’ll be good. That can sting though. Worth it to wear all those pretty earings though, not that your Grandad saw it that way,’her Gran laughed. ‘What does your mum say about it?’

‘She doesn’t know, but I’m going to my first grown up party tonight & I just want to look nice,’ Barbara thought she might cry as her Gran reached out and touched her hand.

           Overcome with hunger they left the coffee shop & wandered over to the pier, bought chips & ate them on the beach. It was still surprisingly warm for October. Finishing up, they caught the bus to the hairdressers. Debbie wasn’t busy & said she’d pierce Barbara’s ears straight away. They did hurt, but luckily did not bleed. 

            ‘Come on silly, wipe those eyes. It’s all done now’ Jules whispered encouragingly as they left the shop. Barbara smiled through her tears. Little did she know, these would be the first of many she would cry over the years, as time & again she claimed her life back.

           Once they’d picked up the  case Barbara had packed the night before the girls hurried back to Jules house where they spent the afternoon in extravagant bubble baths, washing each others hair, painting nails, trying to apply mascara without it clumping and awarding each of the boys they knew were going to the party, points on a scale of 1 to 10. Jules did indeed cut Barbara a fringe, a longer, floppier one than the short, spiky one she’d given herself. At last it was time to leave. 

            ‘I feel so nervous’ Jules confessed as the settled in the back of the taxi.

            ‘Me too’ Barbara admitted. ‘I’m worried we’ve gone to all this trouble and everyone else is just going to rock up wearing what they normally do.’

               ‘So what if they do? I feel fabulous, I’m going to enjoy myself whatever.’

               ‘I feel like a tomato’ thought Barbara, but smiled, determined to enjoy the night.

              ‘Jules! Barbara! Come in,’ Dave seemed a little over keen to see them. ‘ Sue, Jules and Barbara are here,’ he called. ‘Go liven up the party girls it’s not really got started yet,’ he whispered, with a look of despair on his face.

‘Jesus, he wasn’t kidding,’ Jules said under her breath, as they entered. The first thing they both noticed was that Martin was not there. In fact there were no boys there at all apart from Dave and his weird brother Ian. Pauline Prendagast was there, as was Shirley and Diane Nicolson and Marie Nuttall. ‘This is going to be hard going, not at all like parties on the telly,’ Barbara thought.  Heartened a little though as everyone was wearing a dress as awful as hers. Jules was instructing her to stay by her side at all times. Not for the first time Barbara observed that Jules had the look and the talk, but lacked the confidence to go through with anything alone.

Sue, thank you so much for inviting us. Congratulations,’ Barbara said, approaching her friend, air kissing her on her cheek whilst handing over the present and card her and Jules had bought that afternoon. She became conscious of her elbow being squeezed and Jules whispering.

‘He’s here! Neil’s here as well. I can’t breath. Don’t look!’ 

‘Why can’t I look, What’s the point of that?’ Said Barbara turning and smiling at the boys, whilst Jules made noises as if she was being strangled.

Both boys smiled back and walked over, as they too felt like fish out of water in the room full of girls nibbling celery sticks and sipping warm Liebfraumilch. It wasn’t long before Jules regained her composure and was in her element, holding court. Martin was laughing at everything she said and when she could get a word in edgeways, Neil was attentive to Barbara.

They would remember that party for a long time. Martin and Jules started going out seriously, whilst Barbara moved away and lost touch. Many years later, Barbara waved goodbye to her granddaughter, whilst texting her daughter to make sure she would be able to pick her up from rugby practice and headed for the turnstiles. It was warm for October, but she still pulled her hoodie around her, as she did, she bumped headlong into someone coming out of the clubhouse with a coffee. ‘So much for social distancing’ thought Barbara, as she looked up to apologise, but instead just stared. Those eyes, she knew them. He was saying it was his fault whilst shaking the coffee off his hand, but he stopped when he realised she was staring at him.

‘Oh God, I am so sorry,’ she suddenly exclaimed. ‘I…..I didn’t mean to stare. I, you me, pardon?’ 

‘I asked if you would like a coffee, unless you were rushing away for a reason,’ he said.

‘No! No, I’m not. Fuck, yes. Why not?’

Go & sit at a table whilst you make your mind up. I’ll get the coffee,’ he laughed as he walked back into the clubhouse, returning he set the coffee down in front of her. As he sat down he removed his mask & smiled. She was staring into the face of Martin Jenkins. Older obviously, greyer, but still very much as she remembered him. She said nothing just carried on staring at him, he was staring too, but not at her face, at her left hand. She wore no wedding rings, he met her gaze and she whispered, ‘Martin Jenkins.’ He touched the tip of her finger with his and whispered back ‘Yes, and the girl who never gave me a second look.’