I may not have left for good & I’m not deleting the account, as there are still a few people I want to be able to chat. I’m neither getting anything out of it, nor giving anything to it. Everything feels like it’s come to a halt. Not a sudden juddery halt, more a slow deceleration since Christmas. Is this a natural process, like Facebook? Maybe Twitter has had its day? TicToc is the new kid on the block…I follow people on YouTube & Instagram. I tried Instagram, but I’m not artistic enough.

Twitter has always had its dramas. It’s bullies & now catfish. I only learnt the new meaning of that word a year or so ago when I found out I, like many others, had been totally deceived. I have to say that was an eye opener. I learnt a lot from that. I started to use up to date photos, whether I liked them or not. I do use a previous surname, but I have never hidden that. What you see if me, us the true me. I have shared pictures taken in my sitting room, my garden & of course in my kitchen when I’ve shared something I’ve cooked. The doughnuts proved to be my most popular post ever with over 200 likes.

Sadly though after what’s happened Twitter is no longer a place I can relax. Twice this year I have been taken in, admittedly totally different circumstances, but each very painful. I believe lockdown had a lot to do with the first breakdown of communication. They were out to impress me, something they did not need to do. As time went on & I read more of what they’d written previous to knowing me, it became apparent they were being less than truthful. As it became clear the end of lockdown was in sight & they would have to deliver on the things that had been promised, they cooled. I tried to ignore what was happening, but in the end snapped, which gave them the perfect exit strategy. If I am honest it was the best end, but I was still cross with myself for being taken in. I was cross for indulging them, for trusting them. I walked away, shrugged my shoulders & vowed never again to worry about what people were writing. It worked until this past week.

What happened this time was brutal & I believe planned by 2 people. What I can’t work out was why. I have since been told it’s how some people get their kicks. Frankly I am appalled & shocked by that, as well as greatly saddened. My whole life has been a car crash of messed up, painful situations. I thought I’d experienced just about everything, but this was on a much bigger scale, with abuse. Verbal abuse mainly, but also mind games. I did not initiate the first DM. Every time we spoke I was made to feel guilty. I was made to feel guilty for asking if they’d had a better day, I was accused of telling them how to run their lives, when in reality all I’d done was ask what they’d eaten & express concern when they hadn’t. I was told on more than one occasion, by both of them, how big their house was, how rich they were. I care about none of these things. It’s people I care about, not what those people have. Surprisingly this encounter did not end badly, we didn’t fight,which made it all the more hurtful when a day later I found I was blocked & things had been written about what had happened on Twitter. This proved to me that however much I thought I knew someone, I would never, could be sure. All I’d done to start this was say I’d be around if they wanted to talk. I did not expect to be the stuffed mouse tossed around by a pair of sadistic rich cats.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made some really good friends on Twitter. One especially has been with me since the start, has been my rock when things have got tough. They are always there when I need them, without us being in each others pockets. They know all about me, my highs, my lows, my triumphs & my failures. Others we chat occasionally in DM. With some it’s all about the blogs, the cooking, gardening, the craft. I respect the achievements of many on Twitter, the way they give freely of the skills they have learnt.

This may not be forever, but for now Twitter is not for me. I have learnt so much from the published authors who post tips, I have learnt from reading the poetry of others. I have greatly enjoyed looking at all of the photographs. I have enjoyed being part of something, but that for me now has gone sour. I need to get away before I begin to hate it. I need to leave whilst I feel no malice. I had said I would be unlinking my blog from Twitter, but I’ve been asked not too, so for the time being it will stay linked.

I have been hurt. Really hurt. Not just my pride, because I was stupid, but I feel really sad that some people feel it is ok to treat others in this way. To take advantage of their good nature, to take delight in their suffering. Oh, & these last two are possible the last people I would think capable of this level of psychological torment. Then when I was so confused & I didn’t know where I stood, blocked me.

Judging by my failed real life relationships, I guess I should not be surprised that I can not judge a person by their written word. It hurts though, so for now I’ll be off Twitter. I have plenty to do in the garden as the weather has taken a turn for the better. I have animals & a business to take care of whilst others go on holiday. I also have my moat to finish digging, as I do not feel ready to come out of lockdown. My DMs will remain open to friends who want to have a chat, but for now I’ll be off the board.

I want to thank all of the people who made me feel as if I belonged on Twitter. Who offered friendship & support, made me laugh, shared writing tips & beautiful photos. There have been many more highs, than there have been lows, but I have to go lick my wounds now, gather strength & concentrate on this blog. If this continues to grow then maybe, just maybe I will at last, have the confidence to publish my novels.

Love M. XXX